Decided to blog while lazing around now before preparing to go out later. Meeting Peter for drinks. Feeling upset and told Peter to take care of me in case I get drunk later. Sighz.

Lotsa thoughts are racing across my mind now and my heart aches. I hate fights. Generally, I am not exceptionally nice to guys but I have been exceptionally giving towards him. Now, it really hurts when all he can say is that he has had enough of my BS.

I have never faulted him for not being able to promise me anything, simply because I really enjoyed the time spent.

I have tried to be as understanding as I can, simply because I want him to be happy and it makes me happy to know that he is happy.

I have been as cheery as I can and not let my emotional turmoil affect him, simply because I do not want him to feel bad or lousy when with me.

But now, I realise, amidst all that I have tried or done, as long as anything makes him uncomfortable or distressed, it will become my fault. And suddenly, I am so intolerable and detestable.

The feeling of being abandoned is so overwhelming this time, when he chose to walk away once more. Without proper talk again. Without listening to me again. I know what he will say later. That he needs to cool down so he rather stays away. What he doesn't know is how terrible I feel whenever he chooses to turn away.

Perhaps this is what humans are like, to only care for their own emotions and neglecting others. Taking matter in their own stride and thinking that, what they think is always of the best interest. Without noting the other party's thoughts at all.

Well, everything seems clearer now and I am more calm. It is painful to know that someone whom you genuinely care about only have thoughts of you anguishing him. It is especially more agonising when you know that all you have ever tried to do is your best.

No, I am not in love with him. Perhaps, like what he said before, he would never allow himself to love me. Neither will I. We both know that it's gonna end one day. We just don't know when. Well, maybe it will and should end now. I never like inflicting any pain on people or have people accusing me of doing so.

Life is beautiful and I have been a very fortunate girl with wonderful friends. Like now, I gonna go shower after this and Peter gonna be fetching me for wine. He has always been by my side when I need him. Thanks dear! And lucky me has many more of such friends, whom I definitely will cherish.

Thank you, all my friends, for caring for me the way you do and never faulting me deliberately. I know, I will never be abandoned by all of you...