|
Glittering Angel
www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos and videos from Glittering Angel. Make your own badge here.
R.O.M. on 7 Sep '08 Recent Rants My Actual Day Wedding Album Layout Christmas Wedding on 25 Dec '09 - Night (2) Christmas Wedding on 25 Dec '09 - Night (1) Christmas Wedding on 25 Dec '09 - Day (2)
Christmas Wedding on 25 Dec '09 - Day (1)
Friends
Alvin Travel Entries
Kunming & Bangkok Ho Chi Minh City (22 - 26 December 2006) 
Bangkok (4 - 8 August 2007) 
Chiangmai (6 - 10 December 2007) 
Cambodia (15 - 20 July 2008) 
Korea with Jeju (4 - 10 April 2008) 
Online Shopping Archives
Credits Given |
Thursday, November 15, 2007 My mobile phone kept ringing. The sms-es kept coming in. He has been downstairs since 12.15am. Geesh. I am scared. I don't want to meet him. For the past month, he had been contacting me and telling me how much he missed me, why he hadn't been contacting me etc. Whatever it is, it really doesn't matter anymore. I have Roy now, and I am a happy girl, that's what matters. I already told him I do not want to meet him, at least not tonight. We can do dinner sometime soon. I still regard him as a friend, but no way am I meeting him now! He says that he is not expecting anything from me but just wanna see me. This totally freaks me out. If you wanna see me, can see me other day right? And not past midnight like now right? Moreover, he was just talking to me about 2 hours ago, telling me that he would always cruise past to my place about 2am for no rhyme or reason. I shuddered when he mentioned that. I think he will leave soon, since I have been ignoring the phone calls and sms-es. Hopefully he will think I am asleep. ARGH. Am just chatting with Anthony on MSN now and all he cares about asking is, what car does KT drive. Crazy Anthony. When I mentioned that KT drives a Lexus IS250 and had sold his Mercedes-Benz CLK280, Anthony just commented that KT must be some rich man son. Sigh. I don't care if he is rich or what. Just please, leave me alone! Labels: Men Friday, August 17, 2007 It is already past midnight and another Thursday just swept by. Was busy attending meetings and doing up reports today. Visited Roy at SGH too and happened to speak to his doctor. Confirmed that he did not undergo Tonsillectomy. The doc mentioned that there was an abscess on Roy's tonsils and the doc actually removed that abscess. In any case, Roy was so much better today and ate quite a bit. The doc said that he may be discharged tomorrow if his headache or fever does not attack tonight. Strangely, amidst my busy work schedule today, I thought of JM. Not sure why but he just crossed my mind. I miss MSN chats and lunch together with him. As I have been rather busy of late, I do not even have time to log on to MSN. He used to sms me more often but not anymore. He said it is because he is not familiar with using Blackberry now. Oh well, perhaps it's out of sight, out of mind. *SHRUG* August gonna be busy, especially on weekends with Jeff's birthday this Saturday, Family Day and Subaru's 7th Month Dinner next Saturday and meeting ex-colleague the Saturday after next. Since there is no Tango this and next Sunday, I may consider going inline skating or swimming. Gonna try to exercise and stop being lazy! Speaking of Jeff, he has been sms-ing me daily for the past 2 weeks. I was surprised and sms-ed him to ask why but dear Jeff got all defensive. Me: Err, you have been sms-ing me daily, which is so unlike you. Why so huh? And his reply totally stunned me.
I felt really weird after the whole sms exchange. I mentioned before that Jeff was emotionally unstable and did not know what he want. Yet now he is saying he does. I really don't know. Am meeting him on Saturday because it is his birthday and I promised him long ago I would celebrate his birthday with him. Sure hope everything goes well on Saturday! Labels: Men Friday, July 27, 2007 Thursday, 26 July 2007 Bad day. Tummy was hurting so badly today. Missed this morning's meeting and I think Boss was unhappy. Hence, I had no choice but to cancel off the second half day of my medical leave and went back to work. Sigh. It was really stressful as we were all trying to hit the $10 million mark. Argh. Anyway, did whatever I could and headed off to Bishan Junction 8 to meet Roy for dinner. Actually, I was supposed to meet Jake tonight to go for a business dinner as his date. However, he sms-ed me at 3am telling me that he needed to leave for Hongkong in 5 hours time. Not sure why, but I was not disappointed or surprised. I do agree that a leopard will never change its spots. He was like this 3 years ago and he is still like this. All these were so familiar. The anticipation to meet up. The change. The apologetic words. The gifts that followed. They were sorta predicted and in a way, I was prepared for this last minute change. Or perhaps it is because we are no longer an item that I took this easier. I can't deny that I was relieved we are no more a couple or else upon hearing that he had to fly off again, I would probably race down to the airport. And perhaps crashing his car once more in an accident. In any case, I just replied his sms that it was fine and we would catch up again after he closed his god-knows-how-many deal. In a way, I was glad that the dinner with Jake did not actualise and I met up with Roy instead. We had ice-cream again at Swensen's after dinner. He mentioned that he needed to exercise and tone up his muscles while I was commenting that I needed to go back to inline skating. He does know how to inline skate a little and we thought it would be good if we can meet up for some leisure skating. Should really plan soon! As we were supposed to meet for movie this Saturday, he suggested going swimming after the movie. Brilliant. I agreed readily. Looking forward to swimming at least 40 laps. What with the dinners and desserts, think I better get to some exercise. Am so glad that Tango is resuming this Sunday. Because Francis was away for 3 weeks reservist, we had to miss Tango. Afterall, Francis is the only male partner Phyllis, Mandy and I have now. Must be stressful on him too! Haha. Alright. Enough for now. Need to sleep. Good night. 1pm: 1/4 bowl of rice, soup, 1 pork rib and some peanuts 7.30pm: 1/2 bowl of Minced Pork Noodles and 1 Chicken Wing 8.30pm: French Fries and Ice-Cream Exercise: 40 crunches at night
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 Monday, 23 July 2007 Work stress continues to mount as usual. Boss was rushing for production figures. The projected numbers are not optimistic and I was at a loss on how to reply to him. Sigh. 6 more days to closing. Keeping my fingers crossed! Today was the lady candidate's second interview. This time with Boss. Not very impressive as she can't really market herself well. But one thing for sure, she is quite a dependable person and I think Boss likes this attribute. Oh well, Boss got to see tomorrow's male candidate before making a decision. On a happier note, Roy accompanied me for dinner at Ang Mo Kio S11 as I was craving for the Chicken Chop there. He already had dinner at home and just came to accompany me amidst the rain. Poor thing. After the meal, we strolled to the park opposite the library for a stroll then had sundae at Macdonald. So sinful. We chatted quite a bit and in fact, I just got home! Hmm, once more, as I mentioned before, it still feels like a "First Date". You know, the familiar tinge of innocent sweetness from long ago. That natural shyness too. :)
Me: So, am I cute? I burst into laughter. That line sounded so cheesy but because it came from the unpretentious him, I find it damn amusing. Now, I really don't mind seeing him again soon! 1pm: Duck Rice 8.30pm: Chicken Chop and Hot Tea 9.30pm: Hot Fudge Sundae and Hot Tea Exercise: 60 crunches in the morning 60 crunches at night Thursday, July 05, 2007 Training in the morning went smoothly and sorted out some important matters at the afternoon's meeting. Tomorrow is Marketing Meeting and I have yet to prepare. Geesh, I am so tired. Been lazy and did not do any crunches today. Felt really guilty. As I decided to retake Latin Cha Cha (Intermediate), I did not go for the last lesson today. Instead, Sam came to pick me up for dinner. We went to The Beach Hut at East Coast Parkway's Marine Cove. Pretty nice cosy place and the Pacific Dory I had was nice. There was a guitarist who was singing there and Sam dedicated a song to me. So sweet of him. Unfortunately, there wasn't much dessert choices there, hence we headed for The Cheesecake Cafe at East Coast Road for cheesecake and tea. It was a wonderful evening. It has actually been a few months since I met Sam and it was nice catching up. And strangely, yesterday and today, a few guy friends been contacting me. Guys whom I used to meet regularly but suddenly became busy and disappeared for a few weeks. And now, they started contacting. It was Ken's birthday yesterday. Sent him an e-card. I miss him. Been so long and I still miss him. :( You can imagine how elated I was to receive his email reply today. Life in Korea is hectic as usual for him and as before, he is not sure when he can come back to Singapore. Life hasn't been very fair for him and I hope, for his birthday, wishing him a quick return back to Singapore or The States, and also a GOOD boss. Sighz! KT called earlier when I was at The Cheesecake Cafe. He got back from Milan on Monday. He wanted to meet but I was with Sam. When I told him where I was, he just mentioned wanting to come by to pick me and send me home. But I just told him that Sam would be sending me back. In any case, we may be doing lunch tomorrow since he has a dinner appointment with his client tomorrow. Hmm, this means I will be so free tomorrow night! Haha. Ali sms-ed last night after disappearing for a few months. Was telling me that he had been travelling and mentioned that he had tamed down lotsa. Kinda funny. Don't know what he wanna tell me. But well, we may be meeting up sometime next week. KW called me over the weekend as he is back from Australia. Have not seen him for at least a month. He is my ultimate movie kaki. Anyway, may meet him this weekend for movie. :) Anthony MSN-ed me today too and he is recovering from his cough too. Good for him. May catch up with him next week. Been more than a month. Haha. Oh yah, before I forgot, Jeff, my Saturday date sms-ed and MSN-ed me today too. Apparently, he had gone for site visit at Batam and got back last night. Would be going again tomorrow morning and coming back on Sunday. I had mentioned that I would not see him again ya? Well, I sorta told him that and he was basically trying to convince me So, now back to my old self and heck caring about everyone else. Still feeling guilty for not exercising at all today. Not even crunches. Oh yah, I ate a lot too! 8am: 1 Kiwi, 1 Orange and 2 Sausages 12pm: 1 Shrimp Burger (from MOS Burger), 1 packet of Fries (without salt) and 1 Ice Lemon Tea 5pm: 1 packet of Hello Panda chocolates (I know I should refrain from chocolate but I was so hungry!) 8pm: 5 Pieces of Calarmi Rings, 1 Pacific Dory Fillet, Fries, Salad and Lime Juice 9.30pm: Half a slice of Strawberry-Oreo Cheesecake and 1 Pot of EarlGrey Tea Exercise: NIL Labels: Men Sunday, July 01, 2007 I met the same guy for two consecutive days. Two dates, with the same man. Woah, I must give it to myself! I do not usually go out with the same man consecutively for two weekends, needless to say two consecutive days! After Friday's gathering with the girls to celebrate Zijun's birthday, I had wanted to go home. But Jeff was saying to meet for drinks. He was at Clarke Quay and I did not wanna be drinking in town due to the crowd. So, I suggested East Coast Park and he agreed. I was surprised, especially when he stayed in the West and he did not drive that day. Anyway, was trying to call cab from Paragon but to no avail. There was simply no cab picking up the call. When Jeff called to say he got onto a cab and would pick me at Paragon, I heaved a big sigh of relief. Went to this 24 hour pub place and had a bottle of white wine. We then sat on the bench by the beach and chatted lotsa. I was feeling cold and he carried me up to sit on his lap. It was a warm and comfortable feeling. Finally, he sent me home in a cab at about 4am and asked to meet me again the next day. Well, I woke up about 1.30pm on Saturday and sms-ed him when I woke up. Was supposed to meet him downstairs at 2.30pm but because I was held up, poor him was waiting till 3.25pm for me. And it sure didn't help that I was sulking on why we not calling cab and must hail one. He lamented something on how he must ensure he drives when he meets me in future. Haha! Movie was at 8.45pm and we headed for Raffles City first. He bought shoes, sandals and a white long-sleeved top from Timberland. Hmm, at least he has pretty good taste. Next will be City Link Mall then to Marina Square. I bought 2 dresses and 1 jacket from Series at City Link Mall. I tried on lotsa dresses and Jeff helped give comments at all the boutiques I went to and tried on clothes at. Very patient huh? By the time we reached Marina Square, I was hungry and because I wanna have steak, we went to Outback Steak at Millenia Walk. He had wanted to go Lawry's for steak but we were already at Marina area. Anyway, I ordered an 8-ounce Prime Rib. Original. Medium-rare. Gave him 1/4 of my steak while he had his Grilled Salmon. I tried the Mango and Peach Cream drink there and was so nice. Jeff still prefers the Strawberry and Banana Cream drink which is nice too. It was more shopping after dinner and I bought a pair of orange shorts from Mphosis. Bumped into Cheryl at Marina Square and she thought Jeff was my boyfriend. And when I said no, she kept saying we were so close. I just kept laughing. Well, we carried on shopping till movie time at 8.45pm. Watched Ocean's Thirteen (at my request) which he had already gone to Marina Square to get tickets for earlier at noon. Was quite disappointed at the movie as I expected it to be more action-packed. One consolation was that at least I had great company! It was only about 11.30pm after the movie so I suggested going for drinks at Villa Bali. He had never been there and we had problem grabbing a cab. Was finally able to catch a cab in front of One Fullerton after walking for a good 15 minutes. He thought that I was too pampered and also passed some comments about guys who dated me usually drove since I only suggest inaccessible places. I was a little annoyed. I mean, I do not like too crowded place and it just happens that those places I like tend to be not-so-accessible. *SULK* Shared a bottle of red wine at Villa Bali and chatted as usual. He had been very honest so far and had no qualms in pointing out my childishness at times. It was a wonderful date and we kissed when he sent me home. Sweet dreams Jeff. I did not hear from him today and did not want to contact him too. He mentioned wanting to spend time with his mum and his dog too. Last night, he told me that I am an Enigma; childish yet sophisticated, pampered yet sensible, unreasonable yet adorable. He was so contradictory that he confused me. He shared a little about his emotional state and how he had not dated any single girl. Apparently, he has been going out only with attached or married women for the past few years. All because of a bad relationship which he never reconciled with. It's strange. Men I meet. They always seem to be in an emotional wreck and seriously, the last I want is to be involved. Simply because they themselves are never sure. And so, Jeff, thanks for being so sweet both nights. Doubt we will meet again. Labels: Men Monday, June 25, 2007 After attending endless meetings in London and Doha, Jake finally touched down today and sms-ed me. I was surprised to receive his sms in the evening. This is so unlike him and I realise that he has been contacting me everytime he gets back to Singapore. What puzzled me more is that throughout the sms-es exchange, he was trying to find out if I am dating any guy now and if I miss him. He also commented about how his addiction to work can be reduced (i.e. less travelling) if he can be addicted to me once more. I was pretty amused by him. The reason why we didn't work out was because he was forever travelling and I only got to meet him at wee hours at some hotel lounge after his conference calls. Either that, or he would be calling or sms-ing me from some red eye flight. Honey, I know you love your job but I don't wanna be always waiting for you! Boohoo! Anyway, I have resoluted not to date workaholics and I intend to abide to it. And so, darling, you got to try harder! Labels: Men Tuesday, June 19, 2007 Decided to blog while lazing around now before preparing to go out later. Meeting Peter for drinks. Feeling upset and told Peter to take care of me in case I get drunk later. Sighz. Lotsa thoughts are racing across my mind now and my heart aches. I hate fights. Generally, I am not exceptionally nice to guys but I have been exceptionally giving towards him. Now, it really hurts when all he can say is that he has had enough of my BS. I have never faulted him for not being able to promise me anything, simply because I really enjoyed the time spent. I have tried to be as understanding as I can, simply because I want him to be happy and it makes me happy to know that he is happy. I have been as cheery as I can and not let my emotional turmoil affect him, simply because I do not want him to feel bad or lousy when with me. But now, I realise, amidst all that I have tried or done, as long as anything makes him uncomfortable or distressed, it will become my fault. And suddenly, I am so intolerable and detestable. The feeling of being abandoned is so overwhelming this time, when he chose to walk away once more. Without proper talk again. Without listening to me again. I know what he will say later. That he needs to cool down so he rather stays away. What he doesn't know is how terrible I feel whenever he chooses to turn away. Perhaps this is what humans are like, to only care for their own emotions and neglecting others. Taking matter in their own stride and thinking that, what they think is always of the best interest. Without noting the other party's thoughts at all. Well, everything seems clearer now and I am more calm. It is painful to know that someone whom you genuinely care about only have thoughts of you anguishing him. It is especially more agonising when you know that all you have ever tried to do is your best. No, I am not in love with him. Perhaps, like what he said before, he would never allow himself to love me. Neither will I. We both know that it's gonna end one day. We just don't know when. Well, maybe it will and should end now. I never like inflicting any pain on people or have people accusing me of doing so. Life is beautiful and I have been a very fortunate girl with wonderful friends. Like now, I gonna go shower after this and Peter gonna be fetching me for wine. He has always been by my side when I need him. Thanks dear! And lucky me has many more of such friends, whom I definitely will cherish. Thank you, all my friends, for caring for me the way you do and never faulting me deliberately. I know, I will never be abandoned by all of you... Labels: Men Saturday, May 19, 2007 As usual, went for Inline Skate in the morning followed by Latin Cha Cha then Inline Skate again at late noon. Was actually looking forward to going out tonight but well, things do not always go the way we plan. I had thought that we could meet up about 7.30pm to have dinner but in the afternoon, he told me 8pm. Fine, then at about 7.30pm, he texted me that we could only meet at 9pm. I was really hungry. I am anaemic. If I don't eat, I will feel faint. I knew that I could not wait till 9pm so I replied him that we would meet another day when he can be more free and perhaps, stick to his promised time. And strangely, he just got angry at me and said not to meet ever again. I was totally shocked and asked what was up with him but he just mentioned not to spoil both our weekend and to just enjoy my dinner. Now, this is really appalling. I know that he has committments and did not complain when he postponed the time to 8pm. But now that he could not make it at 9pm, was it wrong of me to think of my health and go ahead for dinner myself? I don't like arguments or fights. His sudden mood change scares me. He said before that I am very temperamental. I admit that sometimes I am. But today, in the earlier scenario, I was not even throwing any temper. I just did not want to end up fainting like I did before, from hunger, simply cos I am anaemic and I have a low sugar count. He mentioned over sms (after I said something on MSN which he found really rude) just a few days ago that I always think of people hurting me but not when I hurt people. I admit that sometimes I can be insensitive but more importantly, I think sms and MSN are very bad communication medium and can cause misunderstandings easily. I prefer to talk, especially when I want to bring my point across properly, without people thinking that I am insinuating otherwise. Now, just thinking back about earlier and also what he had mentioned a few days ago, I am starting to wonder if I am really such a prick that friends dislike me so much. I don't treat many guys as good friends, so when they feedback anything to me, I really will take them as genuine comments and try to change for the better if I can. It's true that I think too much at times. However, this time round, perhaps it is really true that he doesn't ever want to see or hear from me anymore. I never like to be deemed as a pest and perhaps family committments made him react so. Nonetheless, perhaps I really should just stop contacting him as he had wished. Oh well, though there aren't many guys that I enjoy going out with, I can always go out with my ever-so-busy gal friends. Yah, think I shall do so and enjoy myself instead of feeling so clueless on why someone is mad at me on a weekend. Time to get myself busy! Now, that reminds me, I am currently looking for kaki to go hiking and swimming amidst my Inline Skate and Latin Dances. ANYONE keen?!?
Friday, May 18, 2007 I snuggled up to him and my head ended up comfortably on his broad shoulders. As I ran my fingers effortlessly across his chest, a sense of familiarity struck me. Although much tanner now, it was still the same toned bod and firm shoulders. He held me closer, this time gently laying my head on his chest. I could hear the rhythmic beat of his heart. A tinge swept across me whenever he glided his fingers up my arms.
It had been such a long time. So long that I almost forgot how safe it felt in his arms. My left hand trailed its way to his face while I gazed up at his boyish looks. I wondered, how could I have forgotten that cute grin and those eyes which blazed with such intensity. He asked, "What are you staring at?" "Nothing," I whispered and broke into a smile. "Good night." And I slept, with his arms around me, cuddling me. Hmm, it is so nice having someone tucking me in to bed. But I know, that I won't be seeing him again, at least not until a long time later. Tuesday, April 10, 2007 I am amazed by
Labels: Men Tuesday, April 03, 2007 A conversation I had with Yanling over coffee on Saturday causes some thoughts on my mind of late. Her boyfriend is an engineer, very down-to-earth guy who cares for her lotsa. :) And suddenly, I was just reflecting back on my ex-boyfriends and also men I have dated over the years. At 26 So now, I am just wondering, perhaps I am just drawing the wrong men or perhaps I am attracted to the wrong men. Err, not that I mind dating engineers but I guess they are also not drawn to me. Ok, right, I admit that some are boring or geekish or just not that intelligent, hence put me off. Haha! Not all, some. Eh, maybe just a minority and unfortunately the minority engineers I know either fell into the above-mentioned categories or simply there were no vibes. Many friends have mentioned to me that vibes are short-term and I should look at the guy's character for long-term etc etc. But hey, if I am not even attracted to the guy or have the same frequency, there will not even be short-term, needless to even mention long-term. ARGH! Ok, perhaps I am just being fussy here. Haha! Maybe that's why I am still single! *bleah* Really, this post is not to complain but more like voicing out my thoughts. Perhaps it is really a vicious cycle and I should just stop dating guy who are doing their own businesses or from banking/financial industry. I never like to set myself such restrictions, yet I do not wanna go back into a vicious cycle where my guy is such a workaholic or forever busy. BoohooO! Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps! There are so many "perhaps" here. Haha! Oh well, perhaps I should just put myself up for "sale". So, any taker?!? Geesh, I must have sounded so desperate here. In all truth, I am kinda enjoying singlehood but I do hope that the next guy who comes into my life (if there is even going to be one) is just gonna be one normal guy who cares for me. For those workaholics out there who place 100% time and effort on their careers and nothing else, do NOT even come near please! Thank you very much! A few hugs or cuddles a week are worth much more. Much much more... Labels: Men Thursday, March 15, 2007 "Guys who care will call." Those words keep ringing in my ears. Subconsciously in my heart, I do know that very well. But I have been finding excuses for him. Telling myself he is busy. Telling myself he is tired. Everytime he replied to my sms, I would be so happy and thought that amidst his busy schedule, he still called and that was so sweet of him. I was completely blinded that I am always the one who sms/call him first. His reply is always how busy he is. I told him last night when he called (after I sms-ed him to remind him that he had promised to call) that if I do not sms/call him, he would also not initiate. As usual, his reply was how busy he was. As usual, I did not hear from him whole of today too and earlier, I finally sms-ed him the same words as last night. "If I do not sms/call you, you will never bother to contact me." With that, I deleted his contact off my mobile phone. Although I would very much want him to contact me, perhaps it would be better if he never sms/call again. No, I am not in love with him. But yes, I like him. I don't usually get attracted to a guy easily. No, he is not rich or good-looking. But I just feel very comfortable with him. Perhaps I should not trust this feeling too much. He could have been putting up a pretense. Nonetheless, I do know now, that if men care, they will call. As such I conclude that he doesn't really care. Or should I say he doesn't care about me enough to call. Now, that hurts. Although he was the one who expressed interest from the beginning, perhaps it was just a passing emotion for him. Maybe lust. I just don't wish to find excuses for him no more. Life goes on and although he is still fresh in my mind/heart for now, I did not memorise his number, so if he doesn't contact me, I know I will be able to erase him off my life completely in 2 weeks time. Pray hard that Mr Busy here will not bother to sms/call for the next 2 weeks least it stirs my feelings again. I have been re-iterating that I don't wanna date workaholic men who place career/job over me. In fact, way above me. Yet I still keep meeting such men. ARGH! Well, I just want to close this chapter. Workaholics, kindly stay away from me. All I want is sincerity and genuinity. PLEASE! Labels: Men Wednesday, January 31, 2007 Went on a date earlier. To Harry's at The Pier, near Mohd Sultan. Just opened on Monday. Bartender was nice. Manager was nice. Most importantly, my date was NICE. We chatted quite a bit and laughed lotsa. Drank quite a bit too and I opened a bottle of Rosè champange. Loved it and surprisingly, he did not get drunk. He sent me back but I think he was quite tipsy. He kissed me on my forehead. He hugged me. He held me tight. He kissed me on my lips. I felt exhilarated. Yah, think I do like my date. FOR ONCE! Unfortunately. I think this is just gonna be yet another date 'cos I don't think he is interested in me to wanna date me again. I do honestly think that his actions are results of alcohol in his body and I am so very sure that after it wears off, he will regret what he has done. Oh well, I am just so sure that no man wants me! *SOBZ* Labels: Men Saturday, January 27, 2007
Labels: Men Wednesday, October 04, 2006 Below is a conversation between Francis and me minutes ago as we discussed about how men and women can never seem to understand each other since they are built so differently.
Find the above exchange very cute. Actually I know poor Francis does not mean it that way but I seemed to have trapped him in the conversation. Sorry buddy! :P Actually in short, I know that Francis is trying to tell me not to jump the gun as there can be exceptions. Yes, I agree. That there certainly will be some SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) out there who can probably understand women and that I should not assume that men and women can never understand each other. Unfortunately, in my quarter century on this Labels: Men Thursday, August 17, 2006 He reached Singapore late last night. Sms-ed me but I was asleep. He was in Korea all along and going back again on Sunday. He called during lunch time today and we spoke a bit. He was busy as usual. He sounded uncertain as usual. He offered no explanation as usual. And he asked to meet me for a while, probably late at night after his endless meetings. Before he leaves for Korea again. I did not answer him. Labels: Men Saturday, June 24, 2006 I woke up the next morning with a heavy head. Was kinda stoned at work and when he called during lunch time, I was almost having dementia and paused for a moment before recalling him as the guy who sent me home the night before. He asked to meet me at night. I said no as I had a gathering with my JC classmates that evening. I remembered him repeating, "Please. All I ask is an opportunity." I almost wanted to yell at him. What was his problem man. I really had to meet my friends tonight and not giving him excuses. "I really got to meet up with some ex-classmates tonight," I explained patiently, "but perhaps we can have coffee after that." He agreed and hung up. But that night after dinner with the ladies, I was very tired and merely sms-ed him that I would like to head home to sleep. He seemed ok in his reply. For the next few days, we exchanged short sms-es, phone chats and he added me on ICQ where we exchanged some brief conversations. It was through one of the ICQ chats that I found out he was American and had only been in Singapore since Septemeber. He shared with me about life in San Francisco and the few years where he was based in Sydney. It was interesting. Unfortunately, we never got to meet up as he left for Korea after a week and came back after 1.5 months. We exchanged emails and phone calls daily during the time he was away. When he got back in early January, we hung out and met up almost everyday. I actually enjoyed being with him. Having been single for so long, I sorta got annoyed if I were to meet the same guy more than once a week. To think I actually looked forward to meeting him. It was not long before I realised that I was really fond of him. I would say he shared the same sentiments too. However, I guess life does not always turn out the way we want it and many a time, timing plays a really important role when it comes to starting a relationship. After hanging out for drinks on a Saturday night, I received a phone call from him on Sunday morning when he was at the airport. He told me that he needed to go Korea again. For a month. He promised to be back in a month. And I waited. A month passed. He never returned. He called and emailed everyday but he just could not leave Korea as the project was still in its pipeline. Another month passed and he still could not return. I was disappointed and I grew really tired of yearning for the daily phone calls and emails. Most importantly, I felt that he had not kept his promise. I was disappointed. He finally returned in April. 2 months late, or so he said. We tried to meet up but our timing clashed and suddenly one week later, he was back in Korea. He did not inform me and apologised profusely over email. The daily long distance emails and phone calls regiment started once more. I was truly saddened that he chose to leave again though he kept saying he did not have a choice. I always believe that everyone has a choice and he made his by choosing this company. Sigh. After another 2 months, he came back in June. We met up briefly for dinner and it felt kind of strange. After that I received a phone call from him asking me to go to Burma with him for a vacation as he would be joining his friends there. It was too sudden and I could not leave my work. He left to join his friends. We did not meet up at all. We exchanged emails once again and though he was water rafting and going through all sorts of adventure with his peers in Burma, he tried to email me whenever he could from some cyber cafe there. And perhaps the trip made him feel that we were both wasting each other, his emails got fewer and finally after another 2 months, I emailed to ask if he was back in Singapore. He replied that he was but did not want to meet me. All email correspondence stopped after that. Perhaps it was for the better and I was seeing someone else too. Somehow, the emails and phone calls started once more in September. It was dragging for so long. Like a roller coaster ride. He got called back to Korea again then and I had missed chatting with him so much. He has always been really sweet and sensitive and most importantly, he gives really impartial advices whenever I ask him. He is just like my confidant and lending me a shoulder to lean on. He cheered me up when I was down and would crack jokes to make me laugh when I was despondent. The immense care and concern he had showered me was endless. Eventually he returned in December and it had been more than a year since we met. Time really flew and it had been a real bumpy journey for both of us. We met twice during that one week and off he left for Korea again. It was a sudden decision too and when he called me, he was transiting in Japan. Honestly, I was devastated. I did not know what was wrong with this man, or myself for that matter. When 2006 came, my New Year resolution was to forget him. He told me he would be back after 2 months. I did not even bother to think anymore. The emails and calls started for the umpteenth time. I no longer yearned for the calls and emails though I still missed chatting with him. He did not return after 2 months, but half a year later. Yes, we met about 3 weeks ago. He has aged so much since we last met. Work and fatigue have really exhausted him. He was haggard and looked really weary. That night, he had a meeting till 10pm but he looked me up at Zouk. Phyllis saw him too and even Phyllis could not recognise him. The first time I met him was also the first time Phyllis met him. Been 1.5 year and this time frame has worn him down. My heart was heavy and was really saddened by what this job has done to him. We chatted for a while and I casually mentioned that he would never be able to get involved in any relationship until he got himself stablised. He agreed too. We parted soon after and had intention to meet the next day after his dinner with clients. Unfortunately, I was tied up the next day and we did not meet up. We did not contact till 2 days later when he called and told me that work was getting complicated. I pressed him and asked if he got to go back Korea again but he did not want to answer me. He answered in forlorn that he would tell me when he was more stable emotionally. He admitted then that he felt really disoriented and could not think properly. He met his colleagues to chill out that night and sms-ed me after that that he felt better. And that was the last time I heard from him. I tried calling him a few times after that and sms-ed twice but to no avail. I believe that he probably got forced back to Korea again and did not know how to break the news to me once more. I guess it was not easy for him too, having to disappoint someone repeatedly after the endless promises made. Perhaps it is better this way. He need not feel bad that he actually made empty promises anymore. I realise that men usually avoid problems when they are not within control. I do not blame him and will never blame him. How can I blame someone who really tries his best yet cannot take control of his life? He mentioned before that he believed in destiny. Perhaps this is his destiny. I felt sad. The doldrums in me were overwhelming. And I really hope that all is well with him. He has been as persistent and determined as can be. I guess it is time to end. This unique yet ambiguous relationship. He has had a special place in my heart and though everything has come to a closure, the memories will remain, locked in a special corner of my heart. Thank you, Ken. For everything. Labels: Men Tuesday, June 20, 2006 It was really crowded and because it was Ladies' Night, there was quite an array of girls around. Serene, Annie, Phyllis, Christine and I hovered at a corner of the dance floor and moved our bodies to the rhythmic tempo. Halfway through, I was thirsty and got annoyed at some guy who was trying to hit on me. I excused myself and crept alone to the bar counter for a Lychee Martini. Totally immensed into the music, my body was swaying to the music even while waiting for my drink. Just then, I felt a presence and when I looked right, our eyes met. He grinned at me sheepishly but I merely turned away and continued dancing. He inched closer and said hi. I was surprised. Was not sure why but he looked sort of out of place at the club. I shrugged and smiled politely before scurrying off to look for the girls. He followed behind me and when I joined my friends back at the dance floor, he attemped to dance with us. I was slightly amused and Phyllis talked to him a little. I could not remember the details next but I recalled making small talk with him. Soon, it was time to go home. Annie, Serene and myself intended to share a cab and all 3 of us were a little tipsy. Yeah, tipsy but not drunk. He offered to send us back in a cab and Phyllis was just telling him that he would entrust us to him and made the poor guy promised to take care of us. Our cab was stopped by the police road block and all of us were asked to present our identity cards. He did not have and I could see panic crossing his face. Serene was yelling at the police officer and asking why they stopped us. He just kept repeating that he did not bring his passport along. At that juncture, I was just thinking to myself what the hell was this guy doing and why didn't he have an identity card. Anyway, I linked my arm around his and uttered firmly, "He is my friend but not local. So leave him alone. And on what basis do you have to stop us?" The police officer was startled at my reply and eventually allowed us to leave. He looked so relieved when the cab drove off the road block venue! I slept in the cab and soon, we dropped Annie then Serene off. When I finally reached my place, I felt so uncomfortable that I just sat at the void deck not moving. About an hour passed and he was just beside me asking me if I was alright and if I needed to go somewhere to get a hot drink. I just kept shaking my head. Finally when the alcohol in me worn off, I felt more comfortable and headed for the elevator. He followed me. I smiled and asked for his name. Ken, he said. He held me to my door and when at my doorstep, I asked cheekily, "Why don't you come in?" He looked so shocked and told me that I was drunk and that I did not mean it. Wanting to see his reaction, I insisted for him to come in and wanted him to spend the night with me. I had expected him to agree, just like any other man. But to my disbelief, he just shook his head and said, "You should rest. Let's talk tomorrow." As he headed for the staircase, I muttered, "Good night Ken," and closed my door. So that was how we met for the first time. On 17 November 2004. And he left me with a deep impression. Labels: Men Saturday, November 26, 2005
So, where does Practice Makes Perfect come in? Well, simple. Many strive to be the perfect employee (to aid their career I supposed) by playing slave to the organisation and slogging their guts out. Aim to be the perfect son/daughter by trying to spend time with family and listening to Daddy or Mummy. Want to be the perfect lover by being as sweet and accomodating as possible to your partner. But well, all these are pretty idealistic views. We only have 24 hours a day and after being the so-called perfect worker by slogging till midnight everyday, is there time to be show any filial piety to your parents or sweetness to your lover? Oh yah, I almost forgot. There is still the weekend. Yah, can bring Mummy & Daddy out on weekends and be the perfect child. Now, we are talking about real filial piety here. But wait a minute, where does this leave time to be the perfect lover? Well, borrowing a friend's words here. "I know we love each other and that's good enough. I will not betray or cheat on her and I call her everyday. She should understand that I need to carve out for my career and I can't neglect my parents. When I succeed in my career, I will have all the time in the world for her." Ah.... so, he thinks he is being the PERFECT employee, son and lover here! I feel like slapping him then. Everything is perfect in this world, even one's desire to improve it. When will success really comes? When one reaches a certain level, he will wanna go higher. There is no end. Oh anyway, I replied this to him "Wonderful! I am sure your girl will understand. But perhaps in the meantime, she can date other men and enjoy herself and you can seek her after you succeed ya. Since both of you love each other, I am sure she will understand and you will not mind her going out and having fun with friends (both male and female)." He was silent for a moment then came this reply "I am sure she can go out with her gal friends and do things she like. I will never cheat on her." "Oh, but she likes going out with you. But you got to work and spend time with family. I am sure she understands but how can she be out having fun without you when what she enjoys most is your company?" He kept quiet. Then I said this very bluntly "Perhaps you should just stop being so It was quite a conversation but it echoed many Singaporean men's views and no, I am not generalising. Have repeated this conversation lotsa times with many others. Yes, am losing faith in men, mostly self-centered and egoistic ones. Oh yes honey, I will wait And perhaps you will realise then, that the groom is not you. |
My Wedding
by Glittering Angel @ 1:22 am ||
